Ode to My Dentist

And other poetic trifles

Thanks to T. S. Eliot (Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats) I dedicate this to my dentist Katherine, who conducted a recent treatment:

Macavity's a mystery, Kat, it's quite a hidden bore.
It's caused an intermittent pain in my posterior jaw.
It's the bafflement of Scotland Yard, the Flying Squad’s despair.
But now you’ve done ma filling, Kat, ma cavity’s not there!

There was a recent flurry of interest in the odd pronunciation of English names. Here is a short guide.

First we try to teach 'em
the right way to say ‘Beauchamp’,
and then along comes Beaulieu -
it’s quite a challenge, truly.
Traversing the whole circuit,
you may alight on Urquhart;
but let’s concede, though glumly,
the worst offender’s ‘Cholmondeley’.
Ah, no, there’s worse! You can, sure,
be mystefied by ‘Featherstonehaugh’.

At least those names are still in use. Some old English names like Knollys (‘noles’) and Wemyss (‘weems’) are, I suspect, quite obsolete.

An arrogant lawyer called Knollys
Used to drive to the Court in a Rollys.
Said his Clerk, Mr Wemyss,
“Can’t you see how that semyss?
It's as if all your clients are prollys".