The Ancient Greeks knew how to laugh

A funny epigram by Nicarchus

There aren’t many Ancient Greek epigrams that make one laugh out loud. This is one, that starts with the puzzle of how someone can come 7th in a race that only six have entered. The Greeks were serious about athletics, but there could be a funny side too.

It’s by a poet called Nicarchus, who lived in the 1st century AD. I enjoyed working on a suitably snappy translation as much as he will have enjoyed poking fun at Kharmos.

  When Kharmos, in Arcadia, once entered in a race
   competing with five others, he came out in seventh place.
  A curious result! And you’ll be asking “How in heaven,
   with six men in the race, did Kharmos finish no. 7?”
  The reason’s this. A mate of Kharmos, shouting “Go, you’re fine”
   ran fully dressed around the course, and beat him to the line.
  So Kharmos finished seventh, but here’s to his sporting health:
   if he had five more friends, just think - he could have finished twelfth!

πέντε μετ᾽ ἄλλων Χάρμος ἔν ᾽Αρκαδίᾳ δολιχεύων,
    θαῦμα μέν, ἀλλ᾽ ὄντως ἕβδομος ἐξέπεσεν.
«ἓξ ὄντων», τάχ᾽ ἐρεῖς, «πῶς ἕβδομος;» εἷς φίλος αὐτοῦ
    «θάρσει, Χάρμε» λέγων ἦλθεν ἐν ἱματίῳ.
ἕβδομος οὖν οὕτω παραγίνεται· εἰ δ᾽ ἔτι πέντε
    εἶχε φίλους, ἦλθ᾽ ἄν, Ζωΐλε, δωδέκατος.